INSTANT CLASSIC

'''Instant Classic Entertainment''' is a collection of stories, prose, comics and experiments on the topic of film, theater, music, literature and art by Brian Carroll. The site started in May 12 2003 and was primarily a comic about filmmakers ''Author Donathan'' and ''Katherine Hearst.'' Since then, the site has blossomed into more of a satirical soupbox for the author across other storytelling mediums, although the focus is still comics about movies.
In 2003, Instant Classic was one of the original members of Dayfree Press Webcomics but has since separated from it. On May 12th, 2007 (the 4th anniversary of IC), Instant Classic relaunched with its new story, Classica Dell'Arte. Carroll, describes this new chapter on his website as a return to the original style and humor of the Prologue. On August 9th, 2007, he relaunched Genrezvous Point as well, picking up where the second story left off. The IC Amphitheatre is also running again, and the full Instant Classic Entertainment Archives are online as well.

Contents

The Instant Classic Collection

The Stories

Prologue

Brothers Donathan

Union Forever

Classica Dell'Arte

Shorter Stories

Instant Classic Cast

The Primary Players

Featured Characters

Pirates

Cast

The Rapscallions

Other Characters

Genrezvous Point

The Stories

The Cast

The Twelve Gods of Cinema

The Seven Plagues of Cinema

The Demi-Gods

External links

The Instant Classic Collection

The Stories

Prologue

The first Instant Classic story, featuring Kate and Author Donathan. The Prologue follows the two filmmakers through several stories: troubles at their local theatre and the introduction of Mágelle, the theatre's bartender, Kate's obsession with Citizen Kane, Author's rivalry with experimental film director Litchfield, the introduction of Kate and Author's siblings, ventures in stop-motion animation, mistaken identities, resulting in a final showdown with Litchfield. The comic is available online here.

Brothers Donathan

Brothers Donathan centered around Author and Sean "Cactus" Donathan, characters from the Prologue. Kate Hearst is also prominently featured. The story was designed in three parts (Un, Deux, and Trois), however, the comic was put on hiatus in October of 2006 during the middle of Deux. Brothers Donathan is considered canon, but the events of Classica Dell'Arte do not directly follow where this story left off.
Brothers Donathan, as it stood, dealt with Author's venture into larger independent films and run-ins with Studio Litchfield, Cactus's female empire, Kate's increasing frustration with Author and her voiceover jobs, and the mysterious Deux Ex Machina. The comic is available online here.

Union Forever

An online graphic novel/live action film that has yet to go into production featuring the IC original cast.

Classica Dell'Arte

Classic Dell'Arte is a return to Prologue-style humor, featuring the ensemble cast of IC in shorter, more self-contained stories.

'Currently sporadically updated here.'

Shorter Stories

'The Boy Wears Off-White': A classic horror story starring Ecru, a character from the Prologue. Created exclusively for "Squid and Ink" magazine, though the comic never actually happened.
'Red Matty 5:28': A five-page illustrated poem about a beautiful woman, featured on Instant Classic in 2006 but no longer online.

Instant Classic Cast

The Primary Players

'Author Donathan' is the central character in the strip. A slightly curmudgeonly 20-something filmmaker and critic of modern cinema's worst trends, he still holds out hope that there is art to be had in film. He has been referred to as the 'anti-genre' by Kate, because of his tendency to unrealistically attempt to eschew any and all conventions when making a film. He has a sly and subtle intellect, often outmaneuvering obstacles with adept finesse.
'Katherine R. Hearst ("Citizen Kate")' is Author's best friend and fellow movie-goer and movie-maker. She is eccentric, and obsessed with Orson Welles, most notably for ''Citizen Kane'', and able to recite the movie's dialogue perfectly. Though often frustrated by Author's artistic pretensions, she is also loyal and fiercely protective of their movie-going faux-dates. She is also the more violent of the two, preferring beating a problem into submission to Author's subtle solutions. Her last name is likely a reference to William Randolph Hearst, the newspaper magnate whose life ''Citizen Kane'' is said to be based on.
'Sean Donathan ("Cactus")' is Author's brother. He is suave, sophisticated, and takes chain-smoking to an artistic plateau rarely encountered by mortal men. He is a hedonist of the first rank, able to make women swoon with random words. The only woman in the strip to show resistance to his charms is Kate.
'Litchfield' is Author's nemesis. Where Author occasionally indulges in artistic pretension, Litchfield wallows in it like a hog in a sty. His films consist of incomprehensible (and often unpronounceable) dialogue, he drones on about his own artistic merit, abuses his underlings mercilessly, and wears a beret.

Featured Characters

'Ecru' is Litchfield's long-suffering personal assistant and aide-de-camp. Prone to panic when things get weird. Unfortunately for him, things always seem to get weird.
'Franchise Kid' is an archetype/stand-in for the legions of cosplay-obsessed teens. He possesses an almost magical ability to instantly be wearing the costume most needed to give context to his next line, and speaks virtually entirely in quoted dialogue. He can be a dangerous opponent if his current costume includes weaponry. However, if caught in a Little Nemo costume, he's relatively helpless.
'Mágelle' is the concession-stand worker at Kate and Author's local theater. Though he only deals in standard concession fare, he is more sagely bartender than grunt employee, speaking in an Irish brogue and dispensing advice, consolation and Goobers with equal aplomb. He's also the third highest investor in the Rapscallions, the movie-pirating group from IC: Pirates.
'Ruth' is Kate's sister. She lacks her sibling's immunity to Cactus' charms.
'Stanley Kubrick' isn't really a character in the strip; he's just the manifestation of Author's subconscious.
'Vernon' is the second-in-command of Studio Litchfield. He seeks revenge against Author for the demise of his leader as well as a tape supposedly in his possession.
'Delphi', yet another member of the local indie film community, is peppy, energetic and utterly unable to remember how to pronounce Author's name (she keeps calling him "Arthur Donovan").
'Dr. Beppo' is a mad scientist/torturer employed by Vernon.
'Acker and Collins' are a pair of wisecrackin', action-oriented cops. They suspiciously resemble the GP gods Action and Comedy, but their exact relationship has yet to be revealed.
'Meridan' is a goth-chick from the Poetry Jam episode. Although she is seen wearing a Studio Litchfield armband, little else is known about her.
'T-Dawg' is another character from the poetry jam, specializing in white-boy rap; like Acker and Collins, he resembles Teen Comedy of Genrevous Point.
'The FCC Spectres' are a silhouetted mob of humanoid figures, introduced shortly after Kate used profanity (a first in the strip). They, led by a robed man with glasses, call for her censure.

Pirates

A story that Carroll has never been completely satisfied with, and as such has never been completely revealed. The few facts that the readers do have is that the story centers around a group of movie pirates in the IC universe. Queen Jack Valenti, the Royal Force of the MPAA, Mágelle the theatre bartender, and the mysterious Spoiler also all feature.
The first attempt at Pirates started directly after the Prologue and ran for 18 comics before it was put on hiatus and eventually scrapped. Another attempt was made in January of 2005 in a less conventional style - the story was told through found-source documents, pictures, letters, and journal pages - but that too only ran for a few pages before being discontinued.

'Both incarnations of Pirates are available online here.'

Cast

The Rapscallions

'John M. Churchill' is the leader of the Rapscallions, a movie pirating group. In his own words, he's "just a gillie with nothing but eyes for the future". He's the script supervisor, who creates a duplicate of the movie's script to make sure the movie is in ship shape and has good audio quality, and to match up the video. He also owns a 'poorly-conjugated-Portuguese-and-movie-quote-speaking' parrot named Morgan, which Churchill claims calms his nerves. Churchill was married to Simon about five years before the Pirates story, but divorced her six months afterwards.
'Audrey Simon Churchill' is the Rapscallions' camera operator. She and Churchill were married in Italy some time before the storyline, but they divorced six months later.
'James Fisk' is the Rapscallions' sound operator. He carries a boom hook with him. He worked with Simon in St. Louis, when she was just starting out at movie pirating, and was something of a father figure to her. He's an old fisherman and carries old tales of the sea with him. He's reliable, but is known to take breaks to drink and sing folktale songs with his fellow crew.
'The Watchman' is the Rapscallions' personal bodyguard, who also seems to be mute. He carries around a tranquilizer dart to knock out anyone who catches on to their plans. His real name is unknown, but he was formerly a projectionist.

Other Characters

'The Spoiler' deals in black magic voodoo and in spoiling important plot points in movies, unless he is paid to shut up. Appears surrounded by flames and can transport himself in sand. He keeps a mystical hourglass, named 'Kestrel', for guidance.
'The MPAA' (Motion Picture Association of America) is represented as stereotypical English policemen, and is led by a parliament and a queen.
'Queen Jack Valenti' is the queen of the MPAA. She tries to keep her waters clean of savage movie pirates.
'Prime Minister Dan Glickman' is the Prime Minister of the MPAA. In charge of diplomatic solutions of movie piracy but often overruled by the Queen.

Genrezvous Point

The Stories

Genrezvous Point originated as a sister site to Instant Classic in July of 2004, eventually growing to have its own domain and following. The comic, designed as an outlet for film and entertainment critique, takes place on the fictional Genrezvous Point, where the twelve Gods of Cinema roam. Unlike the other IC offerings, this comic is done primarily using vector-art (much like Carroll's original online project, BriWorld).
Genrezvous Point and The Seven Plagues of Cinema: The first chapter of GP told of the slow collapse of Genrezvous Point as it was attacked by each of the Seven Plagues of Cinema. The demi-gods Buddy Film and Teen Comedy make their first appearances here.
Grab the Bullet by its Horns: A buddy cop satire published exclusively for the comic anthology City Limits by Blue Day Media. It stars Acker and Collins, two renegade police officers, chasing after Six Finger O'Flanigann and his terror ring through the streets of Port Du Ciel. (Note: Acker and Collins are the human counterparts to the GP Gods Action and Comedy.)
Genrezvous Point and the Format War: The second chapter of GP came with redesigns to all of the Gods and Demi-Gods (and in some cases, transformations - see Crime) as well as an introduction to several new Demi-Gods and characters. The story (currently ongoing) begins with the great storm of Internet Phenomenon over Genrezvous Point. With it brings the SeRe bunnies as well as the revelation of Japanrezvous Island and their ongoing HD format war. On President Drama's command, the Gods are sent to Japanrezvous Island to find a solution - only to find themselves in a quagmire with no exit strategy.

'Genrezvous Point is currently updating seven days a week here.'

The Cast

The Twelve Gods of Cinema

'Comedy' is one of the three major Gods of Cinema. Armed with only a microphone and a water bottle, he relies mostly on wisecracks and pop references, though his write-up suggests that he once had a more polished and subtle wit, laced with skilled slapstick.
'Action' the second of Genrezvous' 'big three', Action is a beefy, square-jawed warrior, bristling with what seems to be virtually every weapon that could possibly be wielded by a single person. He talks tough and acts tougher, and believes that overkill is never enough.
'Drama' is the last of the Big Three. He wanders about the mountain, clutching a bouquet of flowers that will never be delivered and tugging on his perpetually loose tie, mourning the love he lost. When he is about to suffer some further indignity, apples begin to surround him.
'Western' is one of the lesser gods--but don't tell him that. While he doesn't have the overwhelming weaponry of Action, he is even more willing to use his six-shooters in the infliction of pain and death on fools who insult him or his tainted honor. He's come a long way (down, generally) from the days when you could see what kind of man he was just by checking the color of his hat.
'Sci-Fi' was once proud and daring, but has been reduced by one of the plagues, CGI, into a hollow shell of his former self. In an attempt to reconstruct himself, Sci-Fi wound up using the remnants of a Soviet-era Russian nuke, which occasionally seems about to detonate. This makes the other Gods nervous. However, despite this, he remains the most optimistic and positive of the Gods, believing that the inherent goodness of people will ward off potential dystopias.
'Horror' is a bloody ghost, carrying around a ball-and-chain to remind us of his many sins--particularly his dalliance with the Plague of Sequels and Remakes. He is a desperate God, as his worshippers grow jaded, requiring him to reach further and further to shock them, a vicious cycle which only forces him further into degradation. Since having been infected with a virus from Japanrezvous Point, to the East, he now seems to focus almost entirely on creepy children, and requires a melodramatic chord to be able to act.
'Fantasy' is another victim of CGI, although where Sci-Fi was absorbed, Fantasy apparently signed himself over willingly. A sword-wielding dragon, Fantasy seems perpetually trying to gain the glory given to the other Gods, but always falling a bit short.
'Musical' continues to extol the virtue and lighthearted attitude that made her, decades ago. Somehow, she continues right on singing, even in an era of rap battles and dance-offs. She seems to be waiting for a revival.
'Crime' was once Film Noir. However, he died, and came back in his new form, afflicted by the Plague of Gratuity. Where once he had style and grace, now he has grit and bitterness. But still, as always, he's on the case.
'Family' is one of two 'composite Gods' among the pantheon of Genrezvous point, consisting of a classic nuclear family--square-jawed, pipe-smoking Dad, apron-clad Mom, sweet Daughter, athletic Son, and two easily marketed Westie dogs. They work with the Parent Television Council to make certain that every home in Genrevous Point is kept clean of smut and impurity, or indeed, any notion of social change since the 1950s, for the most part.
'Romance' is the other composite God. Guy and Girl Romance care nothing for the outside world, as they are surrounded by a swarm of hearts that shields them from all unpleasantness. Legend states that they got together at an airport when Guy Romance left his plane to pursue her. Legend also suggests that they consummated their relationship in the airport, but no one could really tell under all those damn hearts.
'Experimental' is... well, hard to describe. An amorphous, ever-changing abstract form, Experimental has trouble communicating, often requiring that the person being spoken to has a previous understanding of both the context and subtext of Experimental's dialogue.

The Seven Plagues of Cinema

'The Crane of Gross Injustice', aka 'CGI', is a giant bird that swallows and coats its victims in a shiny, artificial shell, in exchange for which it siphons out all creativity before, well, excreting them.
'Gratuity' takes the form of a swarm of mosquito-like creatures, capable of infecting the Genre Gods with vulgarity, violence and nudity without cause.
'Censorship' is the natural enemy of Gratuity. This tentacled, ink-spewing blob could have been an ally to the Gods of Genre, were it not for the fact that it also blots out everything in the area of its arch-nemesis, stripping the Genres of any form of controversial content, regardless of what this does to their structure or artistic merits.
'Sequels and Remakes' consists of a horde of carnivorous rabbits. One bite causes the Genres to repeat their former actions with only slight variations on the formula.
'Fandom' is arguably the most repulsive of the plagues, a swarm of leeches that attempts to latch on and seize control of their target, refusing to accept any deviation from their will and loudly decrying any attempt at disputing their collective 'wisdom' and influence on their target.
'Sponsorship' was so subtle that it was a long time before anyone even noticed it had arrived. The owl-logo brand-mark is capable of forcing its victims to make obsequious use of brand-name products and introducing a vulnerablity to the other Plagues, including, oddly, both Censorship and Gratuity, depending on exactly what the market will bear.
'Hype' is the seventh, most awaited, most feared and most heralded of the Plagues. It's a dead fish, and tends to stink up the place.

The Demi-Gods

Occasionally, the Gods, through interaction with the Plagues or one another, merge and transform into sub-genre characters (demi-gods).
'Buddy Film' resulted from a team-up between Comedy and Action.
'Teen Comedy' came about when Family's son was infected by the Plague of Gratuity.
'Political Drama'/'Science Drama'/'Academic Drama'/'Professional Drama'/'Medical Drama': The many transformations of Drama, once his wilted flowers left his hand.
'Internet Phenomenon' was summoned through a combined effort of the Plagues Hype and Fandom. It brought about the return of Teen Comedy, and furthermore freed the daughter from Family to become the grrrl-power-espousing 'Chick Flick'.
'War Film' is brought into being when Action is pushed to the brink.
'Romantic Comedy' comes about when Comedy and Girl Romance hook up. When she leaves Comedy, he becomes bitter and resentful, transforming into 'Dark Comedy'.
What occurs when Girl Romance hooks up with Mom and Dad from Family, or with Experimental, is best left to the imagination.

External links

★ Instant Classic

★ Instant Classic Amphitheatre (forum)

★ Genrezvous Point