PARENTING

'Parenting' is the process of raising and educating a child from birth until adulthood.
'Parenting' has recently become a very popular topic due to the necessity to clarify the process of upbringing a child at home by parents as the opposite to the formal education of a child at school. A teacher-student relationship is different than the parent-child relationship. Therefore a parent's methods of educating a child must be different than a teacher's. At school teachers give a child general literacy and scientific knowledge; at home parents give a child general wisdom of life as parents themselves understand it.
The term "parenting" is a derivative of the word "parent" taken as a verb. When people say "to parent" a child it means "to be a parent," or "to fulfill parental duties." Since everyone who has a child has to parent he or she has their own view on what their parental duties are. Generally, the majority of parents admit that those duties are to provide for the needs of a child - the child's need for security and development. This implies security and development of a child's body, mind and psyche. In other words, it is physical, intellectual, and emotional security and development.
Parenting is usually done in a child's family by the mother and/or father (i.e., the biological parents). When parents are unable or unwilling to provide this care, it is usually undertaken by close relatives, such as older siblings, aunts and uncles, or grandparents. In other cases, children may be cared for by adoptive parents, foster parents, godparents, or in institutions (such as group homes or orphanages). There are also circumstances, such as on a kibbutz, where parenting is an even when biological parents exist. Parens patriae refers to the public policy power of the state to usurp the rights of the natural parent, legal guardian or informal caregiver, and to act as the parent of any child or individual who is in need of protection (i.e. if the child's caregiver is exceedingly violent or dangerous).

Parental duties

Providing physical security

Providing physical security refers to a safety of a child's body, safety of a child's life.

★ To provide physical safety: shelter, clothes, nourishment

★ To protect a child from dangers; physical care

★ To care for a child's health

Providing physical development

Developing a child physically refers to providing a conditions to a healthy growth of a child.

★ To provide a child with the means to develop physically

★ To train the body of a child, to introduce to sport

★ To develop habits of health

★ Physical games

Providing intellectual security

Intellectual security refers to the conditions, in which a child's mind can develop. If the child's dignity is safe, that is nobody encroaches upon a child physically or verbally, then he is able to learn.

★ To provide an atmosphere of peace and justice in family, where no one's dignity is encroached upon.

★ To provide "no-fear," "no-threat,"no-verbal abuse" environment

Providing intellectual development

Intellectual development means providing opportunity to a child to learn - to learn about laws of nature and moral laws.

★ Reading, writing, calculating etc.

★ Intellectual games

★ Social skills and etiquette

★ Moral and spiritual development

★
★ Ethics and value systems

★
★ Norms and contributions to the child's belief and cultural customs

Providing emotional security

To provide emotional security to a child is to help protect and shield the child's fragile psyche. It is to provide a safe loving environment, give a child a sense of being loved, being needed, welcomed.

★ To give a child a sense of being loved through:

★
★ Emotional support, encouragement

★
★ Attachment, caressing, hugging, touch, etc.

Providing emotional development

Emotional development refers to giving a child an opportunity to love other people, to care, to help.

★ Developing in a child an ability to love through:

★
★ Showing empathy and compassion to younger and older, weaker and sicker, etc.

★
★ Caring for others, helping grandparents, etc.

Other parental duties

★ Financial support: Money provided as child support by custodial or non-custodial parent(s), or the state

★ Insurance coverage and payments for education

Parenting models, tools, philosophies and practices

Conventional models of parenting

★ "Rules of traffic" model
It is an instructional approach to upbringing. Parents explain to children how to behave, assuming that children learn about the rules of behavior just like they learn about the rules of traffic. It is assumed that "saying" the right things to children is equal to real "teaching" children the right things. In practice this parental belief often fails. For example, a teenager was "told thousand times" that stealing is no good and he continues stealing. The problem of parenting in this case is not that they tried to teach the teenager the right thing, the problem is that they considered parenting as a single narrow method of upbringing, without fulfilling the full range of parental duties.

★ "Fine gardening" model
Parents believe that children have positive and negative qualities, the latter of which parents should "weed out" or "prune" into an appropriate shape. Parents fight with the faults of their children and this fight may continue through the whole life without success. The problem in this parenting method is that parents get accustomed to "notice" only faults of their child and "ignore" good qualities, development of which are the main sources of parenting success.

"The models “rules of traffic” and “fine gardening” are especially dangerous because we, following our best motives, constantly quarrel with our children, destroy relationships, and all our parental work becomes a hopeless effort. Moreover, we don’t understand why this has happened." S.Soloveychik, ^[1]

★ "Reward and punishment" model
Most popular model of parenting based on a logic: for a good action - a reward, praise; for a bad action - a punishment, scolding, reprimand. To teach a child by this logic is relatively easy and even can be effective, especially if it is done consistently. It is because it forms a sense of justice in a child's mind. But, simultaneously it imparts the child's universal image of the reward and punishment and when real life doesn't prove to be just it undermines the child's faith in justice, according to S.Soloveychik. He writes "It is dangerous for the future of children. It may happen that a man, grown up by this model, facing the first serious failure or first trouble, would lift his arms and ask, “Why me?”

Modern models of parenting

Parenting typically utilizes tools of reward and punishment method, but most child development experts now agree that corporal punishment is not an effective behavior modification tool. In some jurisdictions corporal punishment (e.g., spanking or whipping) has been prohibited by law. Many parents have adopted non-physical approaches to child discipline, for example time-out. The other "civilized" forms of discipline behavioral control, structure, accountability, Parental supervision, etc.

★ Examples of modern parenting models

"Nurturant parent model"

"Strict father model"

"Attachment parenting"

Seeks to create strong emotional bonds and avoids physical punishment, with discipline being accomplished through interactions recognizing a child's emotional needs. It focuses on holistic understanding of the child.

"Taking Children Seriously"

Sees both praise and punishment as manipulative and harmful to children and advocates other methods to reach agreement with them.

"Parenting For Everyone"

The philosophy of Parenting For Everyone considers parenting from the ethical point of view. It analyses parenting goals, conditions and means of childrearing. It offers to look at a child's internal world (heart, intelligence and spirit of a child) and derive the sources of parenting success from there. The concept of heart implies the child's sense of being loved and his ability to love others. The concept intelligence implies the child's ability to discern between good and bad, his moral intelligence. And the concept of spirit implies the child's desire to do good actions and avoid bad behavior, avoid encroaching upon anybody's dignity. The core concept of the philosophy of Parenting For Everyone is the concept of dignity, the child's sense of worthiness and justice.

Christian parenting

Christian parenting is popular amongst Evangelicals and fundamentalist Christian parents who see it as applying biblical principles to parenting. Information on Christian parenting is found in publications,^[2] Christian Parenting websites^[3] and in seminars devoted to assisting parents to apply Christian principles to parenting.
While some Christian parenting models are strict and authoritarian, others are "grace-based" and share methods advocated in attachment parenting and positive parenting theories. Particularly influential on opposite sides have been James Dobson and his guide "Dare to Discipline".^[4] And Dr Sears who has written several parenting books including "The Complete Book of Christian Parenting & Child Care" and "The Discipline Book"
In a study^[5] of Christian parents done by ''Christian Parenting Today'' in 2000, 39% have family devotions once a week or more, and 69% of parents consider Sunday school, youth and children's programs extremely important.

Parenting issues across the child's lifespan

Pregnancy and prenatal parenting

During pregnancy the unborn child is affected by many decisions his or her parents make, particularly choices linked to their lifestyle. The health and diet decisions of the mother can have either a positive or negative impact on the child during prenatal parenting.
Many people believe that parenting begins with birth, but the mother begins raising and nurturing a child well before birth.
Scientific evidence indicates that from the fifth month on, the unborn baby is able to hear sound, be aware of motion, and possibly exhibit short-term memory. Several studies (e.g. Kissilevsky et al., 2003) show evidence that the unborn baby can become familiar with his or her parents' voices. Other research indicates that by the seventh month, external schedule cues influence the unborn baby's sleep habits. Based on this evidence, parenting actually begins well before birth.
Depending on how many children the mother carries also determines the amount of care needed during prenatal and post-natal periods.

Infants

Being the parent of an infant is a major responsibility. Infants require dedicated care, including (but not limited to) feeding, bathing, changing diapers, and health care. Because of this, you would be wise to be committed to this child's well-being, since the rest of your life will have to be centered around it.

Toddlers

Parenting a toddler requires time and hard work. Parenting responsibilities during the toddler years include (but are not limited to) feeding, bathing, potty training, ensuring safety, teaching, and attending to the well-being of the child. Parenting toddlers also requires emotionally sound parents and guardians. Toddlers are basically older infants and require the same if not more patience.

Preschoolers

Parents are expected to make important decisions about preschool education and early childhood education.

Elementary and Middle School Years

Parenting issues related to parenting school age children include Education, Kindergarten, Primary education. Parents must also gear them for the school years to come, which require emotional toughness.

Adolescents

During adolescence children are beginning to form their identity and are testing and developing the interpersonal and occupational roles that they will assume as adults. Although adolescents look to peers and adults outside of the family for guidance and models for how to behave, parents remain influential in their development. Parents should make efforts to be aware of their adolescents activities, provide guidance, direction, and consultation. Adolescence can be a time of high risk for children, where newfound freedoms can result in decisions that drastically open up or close off life opportunities. Parental issues at this stage of parenting include dealing with "rebellious" teenagers, who didn't know freedom while they were smaller.

Young Adults

When grown-up children become adults their personalities show the result of successful or unsuccessful parenting. Especially it is noticeable when young adults make their independent life decisions about their education, work and choosing mates for friendship or marriage.

Adults and Older Adults

Parenting doesn't stop when children grow up and age. Parents always remain to be parents for old children. Their relationship continues developing if both parties want to keep it or improve. The parenting issues may include the relationship with grandchildren and children-in-law.

Assistance

Parents may receive assistance from a variety of individuals and organizations. Employers may offer specific benefits or programs for parents. Many governments provide assistance to parents.

★ Parental leave
Another source of Assistance is other parents. Using the advice of other parents is sometimes the best advice due to the fact that some have lived through exactly what you are experiencing.

Advocacy

Some organizations are fighting for more parental rights in the United States:

★ PaidFamilyLeave.org

★ Moms Rising

Parenting authorities

★ Benjamin Spock, was an authority on parenting to a generation of North American parents.

★ T. Berry Brazelton, the founder of the Child Development Unit at Children's Hospital, Boston, and Professor of Pediatrics Emeritus at Harvard Medical School.

★ Jesper Juul is a Danish family therapist and author and a renowned international authority on the family.

Notes

1. http://www.parentingforeveryone.com/aboutbook Parenting For Everyone (Педагогика для всех, 2000, ISBN 5-8246-0042-2)
2. http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/
3. http://www.familiesonlinemagazine.com/christian-parenting/index.html
4. Dare to Discipline. Bantam, 1982. ISBN 0-553-20346-0
5. http://www.christianitytoday.com/yc/2001/005/11.128.html

External links

★ Being a Nurturing Parent From the University of Florida/IFAS Department of Family Youth and Community Sciences

★ Berkeley Parents Network

★ Dad Advice for Expectant Dads, New Dads, Single Dads, Stay at Home Dads with Parenting Information and Pregnancy Care.

★ Raising Exceptional Children Successful Parenting Techniques -- From Brigham Young University

★ Raising Children Network Comprehensive, expert-reviewed resource -- the national parenting website of Australia

★ Natural Child Project Resources for parents

★ Fight 4 Kids Internet Parenting Support

★ Helping Children Thrive / Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers: A Resource to Support Parenting

★ Smart-Parenting Positive affirmations while the child is asleep increases self esteem and creates a positive self image

★ Daily Parenting Articles & Advice

★ Parenting News and Discussions

★ The Parent Connection

★ Biblical Parenting The National Center for Biblical Parenting

★ Disabled Parenting Disability, Pregnancy & Parenthood International

★ Mothering By Grace Mothering Support for Christians

★ Parenting Food For Thought Ideas, concepts, theories and thoughts about raising responsible, ethical children.

★ Parenting Information, experts views -- parenting in India.

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