THE LITTLE GOLDEN CALF

'''The Little Golden Calf''' () (1931) is a famous satirical novel by Soviet authors Ilf and Petrov. Its main character, Ostap Bender, also appeared in a previous novel of the authors called ''The Twelve Chairs''. The title alludes to the "Golden calf" of the Bible. The title of the book can also be translated into English as '''The Golden Calf'''.

Contents

Plot summary

Catch phrases and expressions from the book

See also

External links

Plot summary

Ostap Bender is still alive, presumably having somehow survived his assassination in the previous book. This time he hears a story about an "underground millionaire" named Alexandr Koreiko. Koreiko has made millions (a truly enormous sum when one considers that the average Soviet citizen's salary at the time was about 100 rubles a month) through various, not-quite-legal businesses, taking full advantage of the widespread corruption in the New Economic Policy period.
Koreiko lives in a small town by the Black Sea and works as an accountant for a government office in charge of economic management. This office actually does not manage anything, but rather is involved in a years-long bureaucratic battle against another such government office. Koreiko hoards his ill-gotten gains in the form of a large stash of money in a suitcase, and he is waiting for the fall of the Soviet government so that he can make use of it.
Together with two petty criminal associates and a naive and innocent car driver, Bender finds him out and proceeds to collect more information about Koreiko's business activities. Koreiko tries to flee, but Bender eventually catches up with him, in Central Asia in Turkestan (Uzbekistan), and blackmails him for a million rubles.
Suddenly rich, Bender faces the difficult problem of how to spend his money in a country where there are no legal millionaires. He cannot buy real estate or even get a luxury hotel room, because such rooms are reserved for more socially important travellers. Nothing of the stereotypical life of the rich that Bender aspired to seems possible in the Soviet Union. Frustrated, Bender even considers donating the money to the Ministry of Finance, but later changes his mind. He buys a large quantity of jewels and gold, and tries to cross the Romanian border, only to be robbed by the Romanian border guards.
Koreiko finds another job as an accountant, hides the remainder of his cash, and continues to wait for the fall of the Soviets.

Catch phrases and expressions from the book

★ ''Horns and Hoofs'' ("Рога и копыта"), an ironical placeholder name for a business engaged in shady or dubious activity. A company with this name was established by Bender to make things look official.

★ ''Sitz-Chairman'' (зиц-председатель, zits-predsedatel), a strawman chairman. The ''Horns and Hoofs'' was headed by Sitz-Chairman Funt. The title is a bilingual Russian-Yiddish pun. The Yiddish word "sitzen" means "to sit", which in Russian connotes "doing time". Also "Sitz" has legal meanings similar to the English "seat". The sole function of a Sitz-Chairman was to do prison time when (not "if"!) the time comes. One notable modern usage: ''""'' is the Russian title for the film ''The Hudsucker Proxy''.

★ ''Beer is served only to members of the trade union'' ("Пиво отпускается только членам профсоюза"), an enduring parody of the Soviet system of privileges.

★ ''An automobile is not a luxury, but a means of transportation'' ("Автомобиль -- не роскошь, а средство передвижения"). The phrase, reminiscent of Soviet style propaganda, saw some usage within the Eastern Bloc. More recently (circa 1989), Mircea Dinescu opined, ''A wife is not a luxury, but a means of transportation'' (referring to people who took Western spouses in order to emigrate).

★ ''Keep on sawing, Shura, keep on sawing!'' ("Пилите, Шура, пилите!"). This ironic phrase refers to an enterprise which is about to fail, especially when continued effort only serves to postpone the inevitable moment of disaster and punishment - a situation known as "death march" in software development. In the novel, two hapless crooks stole kettlebells thinking they had gold cores. The original text in the book omits "Shura", but popular versions usually add the name as above, or alternatively: ''Keep on sawing, keep on sawing, Shura!''

★ ''Now I will have to become a building superintendent!'' ("Придется переквалифицироваться в управдомы" - the last line of the book). Spoken after one's dreams have been crushed and harsh reality is setting in.

See also

★ Children of Lieutenant Schmidt – fictional secret society of con men that pretended to be children of Lieutenant Schmidt

External links

★ Full Russian text at lib.ru

★ Free online English translation (in progress)