WAYLON SMITHERS

'Waylon Smithers, Jr.' is a fictional character voiced by Harry Shearer on ''The Simpsons''. He is the self-proclaimed best friend and personal assistant of Mr. Burns and serves as assistant administrator at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. He is usually referred to as 'Smithers'.
A joke central to his character is that he is obviously homosexual, but closeted. He is also a very strong member of Springfield's Republican Party, whose handful of members meet at Burns' mansion. He has been seen campaigning for Burns for Governor against incumbent Mary Bailey. He also has campaigned for Sideshow Bob for Mayor against Diamond Joe Quimby a.k.a. Mayor Quimby in ''Sideshow Bob Roberts''; he tipped Bart and Lisa Simpson (á la Deep Throat) that Bob did not win fairly, as "Sideshow Bob's ultraconservative views conflict with [his] choice of lifestyle."

Contents

Personal life

Work life

Allusions to Smithers' homosexuality

Continuity errors

External links

Personal life

As he stated in the episode "The Old Man and the Lisa", Waylon Smithers was born 25 years after the 1929 market crash (1954).
Smithers is allegedly divorced and lives in an apartment (numbered 19 in the episode ''Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy'') with a Yorkshire terrier named Hercules. He is an alumnus of the fictional Alpha Tau fraternity. His father, Waylon Sr., worked for Burns until he died saving Springfield from a potential nuclear meltdown (''The Blunder Years'').
Early in the series there was much speculation about Smithers' sexual orientation. Eventually revealed as homosexual, he is still officially in the closet. Smithers' father, Waylon Smithers Sr., was assistant to Mr. Burns at the nuclear power plant. Burns told young Smithers that his father was killed by a tribe of Amazonian women — which is implied to explain his homosexuality. In reality, his father died a hero, sacrificing himself to save the city from a nuclear accident.
In many ways Smithers represents the stereotype of the closeted homosexual man, and numerous allusions to his sexuality are made. He has many homosexual friends and hangs out at Springfield's gay village, and goes on a vacation to an apparently male-only resort. But he remains uncomfortable with his sexuality, denying it when questioned. ''Secrets of a Successful Marriage'' contains a flashback — a ''Cat on a Hot Tin Roof'' meets ''A Streetcar Named Desire'' parody — in which it is revealed that his brief marriage failed due to his rejection of his wife's affections. He visited the "Maison Derriere" burlesque house, but falsely claims this was only because his parents (apparently his mother remarried) insisted he give it a try, implying that they might not accept his sexual orientation. In ''The Old Man and the "C" Student'', Smithers draws Burns nude (a la ''Titanic'') and says that he served in the Navy until he was discharged.
In ''A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love'', he shields his eyes in disgust from the thrusting female dancers in a strip club. The episode ''C.E. D'oh'' drops another hint when Burns tells Homer that Smithers was sentenced to 80 years in a Turkish prison for opium possession, and says, "He's doing eighty years on an opium bust. I never saw a man take to a Turkish prison so quickly." In ''Fear of Flying'', Homer's favorite record ''It's Raining Men'' is ripped and thrown out of the jukebox in Moe's Tavern. The record lands in Smithers' car, much to Smithers' pleasant surprise. When Bret "The Hitman" Hart shouts "Eww! This place has got old man stink!" in ''The Old Man and the Lisa'', Smithers comforts Burns by saying "Don't mind him, sir. You have an enchanting musk". In a ''Treehouse of Horror'' episode (a parody of the 1933 film ''King Kong''), the ship's crew is unhappy with Marge's presence on board, so Burns asks Smithers' opinion: "I think that women and seamen don't mix", a double-entendre playing on the identical pronunciations of "seamen" and "semen". Burns sarcastically replies to this by saying "Yes, we all know what you think."
In the episode ''Jaws Wired Shut'' he is in a gay pride parade float 'staying in the closet' along with Patty Bouvier. In ''Homer's Phobia'', he confronts John (guest-voiced by John Waters) after realizing that John lied to get out of a date, and in "See Homer Run" he was allegedly caught in a homosexual act with Dewey Largo (though they claimed they were car pooling), the music teacher at Springfield Elementary. But Smithers' great love remains Burns. His orientation has been characterized by the writers of the show as "Burnsasexual". Smithers has occasional fantasies about Burns; in a fantasy sequence in the episode ''Rosebud'', Burns pops nude out of a birthday cake and sings "Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers" (a parody of Marilyn Monroe's singing the song to John F. Kennedy). When Smithers' computer is turned on, it shows a nude Burns saying: "Hello Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on" in Burns' obviously edited-together voice clips. He has openly declared his love for Burns at least twice, most dramatically in ''Lisa the Skeptic'', when, believing the world is ending, Smithers says "Oh, what the hell!" and kisses Burns on the lips, later explaining it to him as "merely a sign of my respect". The other was when Mr Burns said to Smithers "I love you Smithers" and Smithers replied "The feeling is more than mutual, sir." Burns gets suspicious, but chooses ultimately to dismiss the whole episode, most likely because of the large generation gap between the two men (Burns still defines "gay" as "happy").
Burns has remained largely ignorant of Smithers' subtle advances, much to Smithers' frustration, even when Smithers says "I love you", although in more recent episodes, the undeniably hetero Burns appears to be somewhat wary of these gestures. Smithers has a tattoo of himself and Burns on his chest, with the caption 'Boss of My Heart'. Smithers also considers Burns his best friend. Burns, for his part, mainly seems to view Smithers as a lackey, referring to him as "my lickspittle", albeit one highly valued for his competence and toadying. He has "rewarded" Smithers' devotion with the future "honor" of being buried alive with him after he dies (see below).
His catch-phrase can be heard whenever Burns almost dies in various accidents; he sobs "Oh Mr. Burns! You were too beautiful for this world!". However, Burns never hears him say that because he's always unconscious or absent at the time.
For all his sycophantic devotion to Mr. Burns, Smithers has been willing to challenge him on at least two occasions, most significantly in the ''Who Shot Mr. Burns'' episodes, when his opposition to his employer's various schemes and 'the extreme decline in the quality and quantity of [his] toadying' saw him being fired (see below).
Smithers is apparently lethally allergic to bee stings. In one episode he is stung by a bee while out for a bike ride with Mr Burns and his body reacts badly ("I'm allergic to beestings, sir. They cause me to, uh, die.") and had to be taken to the hospital, yet in another episode when Mr Burns is beekeeping, Smithers says, "We should go sir, several bees are stinging me", and is perfectly fine.
In the episode Midnight Rx it is revealed that he has hypothyroidism and is medicated with Thyroxine.
Smithers has the world's largest collection of Malibu Stacy dolls, is president of the Malibu Stacy Fan Club, and staged ''Malibu Stacy, The Musical'', with himself in the role of a Ken look-alike.
In the episode ''We're on the Road to D'ohwhere'', Smithers was seen purchasing estrogen.
In the 16th season episode ''Future-Drama'' — which takes place eight (8) years in the future — Smithers is on a date with a woman; he explains that he is straight as long as he injects a cocktail of drugs into his arm every 10 minutes. He then proceeds to inject himself, before exclaiming "I love boobies!"
He can also play the banjo, as seen in ''Blood Feud.

Work life

Smithers' official job at the power plant appears to be that of executive assistant, responsible for monitoring employee attendance, and is often a disciplinarian. Smithers seems to be one of the few truly competent employees at the plant, given that he has won dozens of Employee of the Month awards, an impressive streak broken only once - by Homer Simpson.
He has often hinted at wanting to be promoted to the position of executive vice president, but Burns has repeatedly squashed this dream, while whimsically bestowing the vice presidency on Homer, a dog and a monkey. Apparently, Burns informally promised Smithers the veep position so he could get his stem cells. Burns has refused to make Smithers his heir, insisting that it would be a far greater honor for him to be buried alive in the same casket after he dies. Despite his devotion to Burns, Smithers shows little enthusiasm for this particular opportunity to be with Mr. Burns forever.
His role in the series is often that as Burns' comic foil or (ironically) straight man. Patient and calm, he often tactfully attempts to talk Burns out of his more outrageous schemes. Burns routinely takes his anger out on Smithers and rarely praises him, a fact which Smithers just views as a sign he is not working hard enough.
Smithers' job is actually about 2,800 smaller jobs. Though he often does Burns' dirty work, such as kidnapping Tom Jones, lying to Congress, purchasing opium or committing perjury, Smithers cannot be regarded as a truly evil character (except in ''The Simpsons'' arcade game), as he is merely a loyal patsy. His various duties include moistening Burns' eye balls, preparing Burns' breakfast, driving Burns' car, assisting with his chewing and swallowing, tucking him in at night, and doing some light typing. Burns has a seemingly childlike dependence on Smithers. On the other hand, Smithers has an almost pathological need to serve Burns-when he was fired by Burns for voicing his opposition to one of Burns' most outrageous schemes in the ''Who Shot Mr. Burns?'' episode, he ended up spending all his days drinking cheap scotch and watching ''Comedy Central''.
Another example of Smithers' dependence on serving Burns occurs in the episode ''Homer the Smithers'', after Homer becomes his temporary replacement while Smithers goes on a much-needed vacation. After Homer punches Burns in anger and frustration, Burns becomes afraid to go near him. With no one to help him, Burns learns how to do practically everything himself. When he returns, Smithers is enraged that Homer's incompetence forced Burns to learn independence, and to no longer need Smithers' services, but is later rehired when Burns is accidentally incapacitated during a violent fight between Smithers and Homer.
All is forgiven when the fight knocks Burns out of a three-story window, putting him in traction and forcing him to be waited on by Smithers. Burns orders Smithers to give Homer Simpson "exactly what he deserves", and Smithers complies by sending Homer a large basket of fruit with a tag that says "Thank You".
Smithers is intensely jealous of others who gain Burns' favor and threatens his position as lackey-in-chief. In the episode ''Simpson and Delilah'', Smithers goes to great lengths to uncover Homer's embezzlement from the company and takes steps to discredit him in front of Burns.
Smithers is apparently paid very well in return for his service - in the episode ''The Regina Monologues'', Smithers tells Burns he has spotted him over $100,000 that year, implying Smithers makes well over that amount.

Allusions to Smithers' homosexuality

★ After Mr. Burns discovers the Movementarians are gaining popularity, Mr. Burns asks "You see me as a god, Smithers?", to which Smithers replies "Absolutely, sir." Mr Burns then asks, "You'd kneel before me?" with Smithers exclaiming "Boy, would I!" (''The Joy of Sect'')

★ When Mr. Burns is overcome with emotion, he tells Smithers that he loves him. Smithers replies, "The feeling is more than mutual, sir." (''The Telltale Head'')

★ When Mr. Burns says "Someone out there likes me, Smithers.", Smithers says "Someone down here likes you too, sir." (''Brush with Greatness'')

★ During the nuclear meltdown scare, Smithers makes Burns' last few moments on earth socially awkward by confessing his love for the old man, when the plant is about to suffer catastrophic meltdown. Burns remarks "I guess there's nothing left but to kiss my sorry ass good-bye." Smithers asks, "May I do it, sir?" To which Mr. Burns replies with a disgusted, "Ewww." (''Homer Defined'')

★ Mr. Burns informs Smithers that he named his queen bee after him. (''Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk'')

★ When Mr. Burns asks Smithers what he thought if he started sniffing his crotch and slobbering all over his face like a dog, Smithers replies, "If ''you'' did it, sir?" (''Dog of Death'').

★ When Mr. Burns asks Smithers what he thought about hiring Marge, Smithers says, "I think women and seamen don't mix." Burns replies, "We know what you think!" (''Treehouse of Horror III'')

★ When he believes that the world is about to end, Smithers says, "Oh, what the hell", and kisses Mr. Burns. (''Lisa the Skeptic'')

★ When Mr. Burns fantasizes about Marge, he asks Smithers about that dream where you're in bed and they fly in through the window. Smithers groans with pleasure, imagining Burns himself flying through his bedroom window. Smithers says, "You've been reading my wishbook, sir." (''Marge Gets a Job'').

★ Smithers imagines a naked Mr. Burns jumping out of a cake and singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers" (an allusion to Marilyn Monroe's singing of ''Happy Birthday to You'' to President John F. Kennedy). Later, in trying to cheer-up Burns, Smithers dresses up in a bear suit and asks Burns to hug him, squeeze him and tug at his fur. (''Rosebud'')

★ When Burns and Smithers attend the ballet, Burns says, "Bah! Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!", to which Smithers replies, "A little mincing would be nice." (''Marge on the Lam'')

★ At the "Do What You Feel" Festival, Smithers confesses his love to Mr. Burns, but hastily notes that it is the color of his clothing that he loves. Afterwards, Smithers quietly says, "Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!" (''Bart's Inner Child'')

★ When Lisa seeks Smithers for help in contacting the inventor of Malibu Stacey, Smithers gets the information from his home computer. When he turns the computer on, the computer screen shows a nude Burns that utters in broken English: "Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on." (''Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy'') Embarrassed, Smithers turns to Lisa and says, "You probably should ignore that."

★ In a flashback, Smithers explains why he "couldn't keep his marriage together," then flashing back to a parody of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (''Secrets of a Successful Marriage'')

★ When Burns asks for help in composing a love letter, Smithers recites "Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying: a love that will be with you always. Sincerely, yatta, yatta, yatta". Burns asks how he thought it up so fast. Smithers cries, "I sent it to you on your birthday! [sob] Excuse me, I have something in my eye!" (''Lady Bouvier's Lover'')

★ Smithers makes a comment that Sideshow Bob's ultra-conservative views conflict with his "choice of lifestyle". (''Sideshow Bob Roberts'')

★ When Moe kicks Homer out of the bar for playing a lame practical joke (unscrewing the lid of the sugar shaker so when Moe goes to pour it, the entire contents will spill), Moe throws out Homer's favorite record, ''It's Raining Men'' by The Weather Girls, which goes out the window and hits Smithers in the head as he's driving. When he picks up the record, he says, "Oh!" and drives away with it as Homer is thrown out. (''Fear of Flying'')

★ During his confession, Smithers mentions he once tried to march in the St. Patrick's Day parade. Some cities in the US have sought to ban gay groups from marching in the parade. (''Who Shot Mr. Burns? - Part Two'')

★ When Burns and the police arrive at the Simpsons house, Burns discovers Smithers had recorded over his tape of "Ride of the Valkyries" with a recording of ABBA's "Waterloo". (''Mother Simpson'')

★ Smithers goes on vacation to a resort where "taking pictures" is forbidden.
Here is a list about his trip:
- He calls Mr. Burns from a bar where men are visibly dancing with other men.
- He heads a conga line composed of only men.
- He drives a speedboat, pulling a pyramid of men in Speedos. (''Homer the Smithers'')

★ Smithers tells Burns that he is "familiar with Grampa's physical state". (''The Curse of the Flying Hellfish'')

★ Smithers is offered a job featuring insurance coverage for him and his "life partner", although it is not clear whether this is a stint on Smithers' homosexuality or a joke on corporate politically correct lingo, since the same offer is made to Homer Simpson. (''You Only Move Twice'')

★ When the Simpsons family is talking with John (who is indisputably homosexual) in a diner, Smithers appears giving the unpleasant remark, "So this is your sick mother?" where John replies, "Don't do this to me Waylon." (''Homer's Phobia'')

★ In ''Three Gays of the Condo'', Homer is in a homosexual community renting an apartment with two homosexual men, where he meets Smithers on roller blades. Smithers tries to convince Homer that he's never been in the community before when two homosexual men start shouting from the window, asking "who's the bear" and greeting Smithers. When they ask if whether Homer was the "Mr. Burns you're always talking about," Smithers quickly tells them to shut up.

★ In ''Burns, Baby Burns'', Burns asks Smithers to take off his belt so he can use it to punish his son Larry. To this, Smithers replies excitedly, "With pleasure, sir."

★ Lisa's message rocket lands in Burns' suit, leading Burns to exclaim that he has a "rocket in my pocket". Smithers replies, "You don't have to tell me, sir." (''This Little Wiggy'')

★ When Burns has a jar of garlic pickles in his lunch, he remarks, "No one will want to kiss me after these, eh Smithers?" Smithers then assures Burns that "It's their loss, sir". (''D'oh-in in the Wind'')

★ In the episode ''Jaws Wired Shut'' he is in a gay pride parade float 'staying in the closet' along with Patty Bouvier.

★ In ''A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love'', he shields his eyes in disgust from the thrusting female dancers in a strip club.

★ Smithers catches on fire and runs to Mr. Burns whom is washing his car. Smithers screams to Mr. Burns "I'm flaming!", an obvious double-entendre. Mr. Burns looks less than surprised. (''Little Big Girl'')

★ Marge joins a clan which reveals to her a plot to burgle Mr. Burns' mansion. The documents regarding the plot depict several sketches of the mansion and a picture of Smithers with the writing "Why no girlfriend?" on it. (''The Last of the Red Hat Mamas'')

★ The episode ''C.E. D'oh'' when Burns tells Homer that Smithers was sentenced to 80 years in a Turkish prison for opium possession, and says, "He's doing eighty years on an opium bust. I never saw a man take to a Turkish prison so quickly."

★ In Future-Drama, Bart saves Mr. Burns right before Smithers comes in. Burns: "Thank you for showing up after I was rescued." Smithers: "Sir, you know I had a date." (Smithers is seen with an attractive woman.) Bart: "Mr. Smithers? I thought you were, you know." Smithers: "No, I'm straight. I just have to take these injections every ten minutes. (injects himself with a syringe) I love boobies."

★ In a deleted scene from The Old Man and the "C" Student, when Burns and Smithers' boat crash into the Sea Captain's, Burns asks Smithers if he feels "a stirring below decks". Smithers replies, "Very much so, sir".

Continuity errors

★ In his first appearance, in the episode ''Homer's Odyssey'', Smithers was mistakenly made African-American by the production team. The studios have claimed that Smithers was intended to be yellow, and that his first appearance should be considered suntanned.

★ It could be assumed Smithers was born around 1954, as in ''The Old Man and the Lisa'' he says the Wall Street Crash of 1929 happened 25 years before he was born. But in several episodes, he is younger than Homer Simpson, once as a baby when Homer was a young boy in ''The Blunder Years'' and perhaps as an underclassman to Homer in high school. Because the character only resembles Smithers and it not referred to by name one can't be sure if it actually is Smithers. The show exists on a sliding timescale according to the producers (meaning that Bart's birth year would currently be 1997 and Lisa's 1999 in order to keep the characters from aging).

★ It is stated that his parents are dead. After being photographed leaving a gentleman's club, he states that his parents insisted he give it a try, which was originally meant to be a hint that his parents did not approve of his sexual orientation. (This mixup occurred because the episode where Smithers is featured as a patron of the club was produced several years before the episode that revealed the fate of his father.) Of course, it's entirely possible that his mother is still alive and remarried, and Smithers is referring to his stepfather.

★ In ''22 Short Films About Springfield'', Waylon Smithers is stung by a bee and says they cause him to die. He is stung by a bee and has to go to the hospital. However, in ''Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk'' when Smithers visits Burns' beehive he says he is being stung many times but has no apparent reaction to the stings.

External links

★ ''The Old Man and the Lisa'' episode capsule