WINNER, SOUTH DAKOTA

'Winner' is a city in Tripp County, South Dakota, USA. The population was 3,137 at the 2000 census. It is the county seat of Tripp County. Winner also serves as the administrative center of neighboring Todd County, which does not have its own county seat.^[1]

Contents

Winner: A Brief Introduction

History

Commerce

RECENT IMPORTANT NEWS

Geography

Connections to Literature

Controversy

Demographics

Notable Residents

Notes

Winner: A Brief Introduction

Winner is very well known for its pheasant season. Pheasant season runs from October to December and brings many individuals from throughout the United States.
Despite its name, Winner really isn't very great--it's just a clever name. However, according to one local resident: "Winner is the most bestest podunk pile of trailer trash, light beer drinkin', Brookes and Dunn lovin', rodeo wranglin', sombitchen bitches that ever bitched in south central South Dakota. We wrastle harder, we wrangle harder, and we look better in our tight Levi's than anyone ever could. Our cattle emit 23.6 percent more methane in their poo. That's an awful lot a tish comin' out of their chocolate starfish. Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaw! And you can tell that to any of those inbred Gregory wanna-be wranglers. They just aren't built Ford-tough enough!"

History

No one knows the exact date that Winner became Winner. Some claim to know, but they are liars. The territory where Winner now resides was first discovered by white people in 1726, when French fur trader and magician extraordinaire Jean-Pierre Sebastien a la King crossed the Missouri River on his infamous search for the elusive, non-existant giant red-footed prairie beaver of the Dakotas. Although a terrible fur-trader/magician, Jean-Pierre managed to make a fortune in the canned chicken and biscuit industry before dying of botulism in 1743.

A shirtless Jean-Pierre leading his party through the Dakotas.
As indicated by his killer biceps, Jean-Pierre is built Ford-Tough.

Commerce

While Winner is home to many businesses, its most famous establishment is arguably the Sooper Dooper Market. According to one dedicated shopper: "Sooper Dooper feels like the rough ridin' barnyard to me. Their prices are like Bodacious the WonderBull...unrideable. I go there often to scruff up some grub. They got eight types of jerky. Beef jerky, peppered beef jerky...and six others. The Sooper Dooper workers really know how to cowboy. They always look professional in their matchin' uniforms, and ready to get down, dirty, and gritty-nitty. A six pack of Bud barely takes a woodchuck's bite out of my fundin'. I always top off my order with a can of Grizzly chaw. It don't get no better than to take a dip of the Grizzly. Chaw puts a spring in your step and spurs on your boots. The jingle-jangle of that ride and wrangle of the Sooper really lets you have a real Dooper day, any day. It's more rough and tumble American than any grocery establishment near-by. And you can tell that to any of the lily-livered J-holes at "Winner Food Center" across town. Yeeeeeeeeeehhaaaaaaaaaw. They just aren't built Ford-tough enough!"

RECENT IMPORTANT NEWS

Recently came under consideration to be purchased by the Nerdfighters. Not much information could be gathered about this elusive coalition, other than...something about racecar beds...and muffins. Whether they have the chaps to cowboy up remains to be seen. Are they built Ford tough enough?

Geography

Winner is located in south central south dakota, which is a lot like South Los Angeles except different in EVERY way possible.
Winner is located at (43.373869, -99.857648).
According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 4.0 km² (1.5 mi²), all land.
Winner has been assigned the ZIP code 57580 and the FIPS place code 72180.

Connections to Literature

Recent studies by the Australasian Group of Counter-Navigational Skills has shown that Winner, South Dakota may indeed be the hometown of esteemed author J.K. Rowling's long-lost twin, P.K. Mouthfreshener.

Controversy

As is widely accepted by the Counter-Navigational Skills society, P.K. Mouthfreshener (long lost twin of J.K. Rowling) has a multitude of fictional titles to his/her name. The sex of this author is unknown, similar to the case of the androgynous Lemony Snicket. Controversy, however, has sparked as to whether P.K. Mouthfreshener was the true creator of Captain Underpants or not. It is widely believed throughout the Italian Mafia that he did indeed create this much-loved character, and that this idea was later stolen by a desperate soon-to-be-author. An enquiry into this matter was announced on the 11th September 2007 by the National Board of Captain Underpants Authority, but concerns have been raised over the validity of this Board, as the enquiry papers were signed off on the name of "SAmantha Lee GlORiE."

Demographics

As of the census of 2000, there were 3,137 people, 1,359 households, and 803 families residing in the city. The population density was 786.5/km² (2,030.6/mi²). There were 1,526 housing units at an average density of 382.6/km² (987.8/mi²). The racial makeup of the city was 89.35% White, 0.06% African American, 9.15% Native American, 0.06% Asian, 0.10% from other races, and 1.28% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 0.70% of the population. In the next few years, the nerdfighter population is expected to skyrocket from only ~1% to over 60%.
There were 1,359 households out of which 26.3% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 47.8% were married couples living together, 7.4% had a female householder with no husband present, and 40.9% were non-families. 36.9% of all households were made up of individuals and 21.1% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 2.24 and the average family size was 2.93.
In the city the population was spread out with 24.9% under the age of 18, 6.1% from 18 to 24, 24.4% from 25 to 44, 19.5% from 45 to 64, and 25.2% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 42 years. For every 100 females there were 91.5 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 84.9 males.
The median income for a household in the city was $26,277, and the median income for a family was $38,472. Males had a median income of $26,858 versus $20,613 for females. The per capita income for the city was $15,717. About 10.7% of families and 16.0% of the population were below the poverty line, including 16.0% of those under age 18 and 18.8% of those age 65 or over.

Notable Residents

★ Nicole Brockhoft - Miss South Dakota Teen USA 2000

★ Frank Leahy, the famous Notre Dame coach that took the Fighting Irish to several national championships

★ P.K. Mouthfreshener -- perhaps the long lost twin of J.K. Rowling?!?!

Notes

1. [1], accessed February 5, 2006.