Left-Handed Rights on the O'Reilly Factor

Title:
Left-Handed Rights on the O'Reilly Factor

Description:
In case any of you don't realize it, this video is a satire. Bill had a bad sore throat, so he borrowed Stephen Hawking's voice box for this episode. Bill O'Reilly tackles a controversial subject in America's Culture War between traditional Americans and secular progressives. Transcript: The agenda of the so-called "Left-handed rights movement" is clear. They don't want equal rights. They already have equal rights! They are legally entitled to write with their right hands, just like everyone else. What they do in the privacy of their own homes is their own business. I don't mind if they jot notes or scribble with their left hands, as long as I don't have to see it in public. But when signing documents, like checks or contracts that are legally recognized, they should respect our society's values and sign with their right hands, or else not sign anything at all. But they're not satisfied with that! They will never be satisfied until they have destroyed the right-handed values of traditional Americans. Linda from Colorado Springs, Colorado writes: "The radical left-handers can't leave well enough alone. Now they want me to accept their left-handed signatures! The U.S. government cannot afford to endorse this abnormal lifestyle as being morally acceptable." I couldn't agree more. I've always wondered why these people are so obsessed with pushing their lifestyle into the public square. There really is no proof that people are born lefty. There are many counseling programs at churches across the country, offering therapy for people wishing to embrace the right-handed lifestyle. I say, if you don't want to conform, fine, but don't expect the government to give you any special privileges, either. Don from Lynchburg, Missouri writes: "As a right-hander, I will never sign another bill, check, or contest entry if the new pro-lefty legislature passes. It will have devalued the sanctity of signature." Carol from Cleveland, Ohio asks: "Where were all these activists fifty years ago? Back then, no upstanding American would ever dream of recognizing such perversion! The secular progressives want to shove the unnatural lifestyle of sinistrality down our throats." Various family organizations agree with you Carol! One such organization is launching an official campaign designed to hurt the major television networks where it counts - in the pocketbook! The American Family Association urges its members to boycott CBS, which recently aired a left-handed handshake during the family hour. CBS later apologized, but the AFA is not satisfied and wants to send a message to CBS, and other large corporations like McDonald's, for refusing to remain neutral in America's Culture Wars. One group that's definitely taking their views on left-handers too far is Westboro Baptist Church. They regularly picket military funerals to voice their disapproval of the government's alleged pro-lefty agenda. This is of course absurd; the United States military still officially excludes left-handed people from service. By the way, I support the military's "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, which allows left-handers to remain in the military provided they never profess their alternative hand preference. I say, if they can carry out their duty using right-handed equipment and firearms, it is their patriotic duty to do so. But this Westboro Baptist Church ignores all this and waves signs emblazoned with hate-filled slogans, often using the "S.P." word - and no, it's not "secular progressive"! They are entitled to their religious freedom, and there are indeed many religious grounds for not granting left-handers certain privileges, but this church sends the wrong message. They are confusing the issue, mixing in hatred that has no place in a legitimate conversation about the Culture Wars. By being so in-your-face and over-the-top, they are being no better than the radical lefties, and they are forever associating hatred with opposition to left-handed rights. In reality, opposing the legal recognition of alternative dominant hands is about tradition, not hatred.

Author:
SeenAndNotSeen

Tags:
gay, homosexual, rights, god, hates, fags, fox, news, religious, right, bigotry, southpaw, parody, ambidextrous, conservative, liberal, fundie, bible, equality, discrimination, satire, justice, constitution, sinister, fred, phelps, middle, ages, persecution, glbt,